ADVENTURES WITH THE PRIMITIVE BAPTISTS #76–BY ELDER DAVID MONTGOMERY–4-13-2017
The 2017 Florida Fellowship Meeting was one of the best meetings I have ever attended. If you were there then you will agree with me, but most who were there missed the funniest thing that has ever happened in human history. Let me tell you about it.
On Friday afternoon, I was sitting with a group of brethren that included Mike Montgomery, Chris Crouse, Phillip Conley, Steve Kinnard, and Ronald Lawrence. We were telling funny stories of the past when we got to the most famous of all, namely, â€œSonny Pyles and the Exploding Pulpit.â€ That was when Brother Sonny was making a big point in a sermon and slapped the pulpit so hard that it rolled onto the floor and burst into a million pieces. Itâ€™s a great story and as we were laughing, one of the brethren asked what kind of pulpit would have wheels and roll as it did. I gave an answer and I thought it was the right answer but my brain betrayed me. I had two words floating around in my head and these two words were â€œlecternâ€ and â€œrostrumâ€ but these same two words had gotten married in my mind and became a third wordâ€”and that third word was â€œrectum.â€
All was silent. Chris looked at me and said, â€œWhat did you say?â€ and I went to the well again, â€œHe was preaching behind a rectum!â€ Only then did it dawn on me what I had said and I hastily tried to make it right. â€œNo, I mean a rostrumâ€¦it was a rostrum! Come on! Yâ€™all know what I meant!â€
But it too late, and like Sonnyâ€™s exploding pulpit, the table went to pieces. Chris laughed that beaver laugh of his. Mike laughed that horsey laugh of his. Poor Steve didnâ€™t know what to do. Phillip said nothing but looked at me with a face that said, â€œYou idiot.â€ Ronald was three shades of red and looked like he was about to have a seizure. He started to shake and got into such a fit of hilarity that he had to lean his head on Mikeâ€™s shoulder. He got out his handkerchief, wiped his eyes, and just kept on laughing.
Kind Readers, I had to make a decision: Either be a good sport or run away and never be seen again. The irony was not lost one me. You see, Iâ€™m the guy that wrote a book called â€œAdventures with the Primitive Baptistsâ€ which poked fun at people and presented myself as this bemused narrator. Now the jokeâ€™s on me. Now itâ€™s time to face the very music I had made others face for so many years. So, I took the high road, joined the party and brought it to even higher (or lower) levels.
And thus, I became one of my own â€œAdventures.â€ What had gone around finally came around. I knew what happens on 15510 County Road 39 in Lithia, Florida does not stay on 15510 County Road 39 in Lithia, Florida. So I submitted to one of my foundational philosophies: If the jokeâ€™s on you then always leave them laughing. Theyâ€™re going to laugh anywayâ€¦what are friends for?